


All Alone

by LostInFiction13



Category: Murder Most Unladylike Series - Robin Stevens
Genre: Alexander is confused, Bertie is mad, F/F, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't know how much I'll write tbh, I feel so sorry for them all, I should probably do my homework but this was so much more fun, M/M, angsty, beanie is trying, hazel needs help, so does Amina, so is George, very very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:35:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26355820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInFiction13/pseuds/LostInFiction13
Summary: MAJOR DSS SPOILERSWhat if Daisy had actually died? How would everyone react?I'm still new to this so apologies if it seems a bit messy. Also I wrote this at 4 am. Oops.
Relationships: Alexander Arcady & George Mukherjee, Alexander Arcady/Hazel Wong, Amina El Maghrabi/Daisy Wells, Bertie Wells & Daisy Wells, Daisy Wells & Hazel Wong, George Mukherjee/Lavinia Temple, Harold Mukherjee/Bertie Wells, Katherine "Kitty" Freebody & Daisy Wells, Katherine "Kitty" Freebody & Rebecca "Beanie" Martineau
Comments: 11
Kudos: 20





	1. It Just Wasn't Fair

**Author's Note:**

> This has been kicking around my head for a while now and I just had to write it! (I had an epiphany at 4am). I also had to stop so I didn't cry. I'm planning on doing chapters for everyone but idk if I actually will yet.

Hazel Wong felt torn. In fact no, she was broken. What was once a bright, cheery soul was now cold, sharp shards sticking out at odd angles, snapping at frightened little shrimps as they ran through the corridors. This was not the Hazel Wong everyone knew and loved. How could it be? The Hazel everyone knew had a second half, a tall, slender blonde far more intelligent than she ever let on. But the second half was gone. The Honourable Daisy Wells was no more, leaving behind a chaotic tangle of grievances and rumours. Daisy probably would have loved it. Hazel, did not.

She just couldn't escape. The low hum followed her around wherever she went, a constant reminder that this was it. She was alone. She couldn't write to Alexander, what was she supposed to say? Daisy's words rang through her head at the thought of him.  
 _"Even if one day you marry Alexander, I shall live in the spare room."_  
Hazel squeezed her eyes shut in pain, locked in the airing cupboard, old casebooks stacked around her, Daisy's coat pressed to her chest. She ought to go to maths, it wasn't healthy all this moping. But what was the point? Where was Hazel's life heading now, without Daisy? It didn't seem fair. Daisy was gone and no one seemed to _care_.

Ok, perhaps that wasn't true, but no one cared as much as she did. They all seemed to be going about their lives, as if everything was normal. As if the world hadn't just ended.  
Well, everyone that is but Amina.

Hazel had been avoiding her, not that it was very noticeable- she had been avoiding everyone, but she had taken great care to specifically avoid Amina. What was she supposed to do? The last time she had seen her was in Egypt, right before Christmas, right after... No! She couldn't say it. Couldn't admit it. Emotions had been high that day, the empty numbness not yet taken over by the anger, the despair so it had been easier. Easier to pretend everything was ok. But now? Seeing Amina was like having a cold flannel slapped in her face. Just another flashing alarm telling Hazel that Daisy was gone. It just wasn't fair! Heroines weren't supposed to die. Yet, she had. For Hazel, for May, for Rose. It simply wasn't fair.  
Where did Hazel belong now? Anywhere? Her family were back in Hong Kong (the thought made her feel sick, as their sympathetic faces rose in her mind's eye, her father's hushed whispers at her sisters reverberating around her brain.) Deepdean had been home here. Daisy had been her family.

The last few moments kept running through her head like a play- May screaming, Daisy running, the splash and then yelling. So much yelling. And then nothing. Silence. The boat faded from her mind's eye, the river rushing away with it, leaving Hazel alone in a sea of darkness, trapped and lost without Daisy, the guilt of kissing Alexander, feeling a burst of happiness when she should have been grieving, weighing her down.

It just wasn't fair.


	2. All her fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amina thinks it's all her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't really work out how to format the first chapter like this one but oh well, I hope you liked it.  
> This chapter is from Amina's perspective. It's slightly shorter I think, just because I feel like I know Hazel a lot more than Amina.

She couldn't stop staring. Not at anything in particular, or anything at all really. Just a blank stare straight ahead, eyes wide and shining, wet with tears, as if somehow it would cause time to reverse. As if it could stop the trip to Egypt from happening. It was her fault. If she hadn't persuaded Daisy (and by default, Hazel) to come with her, this wouldn't have happened. Daisy wouldn't be dead, Hazel wouldn't be broken and she, Amina, wouldn't be feeling so empty. So alone. So guilty. 

A piece of toast wafted under her nose, courtesy of Beanie, but she pushed it away, feeling sick to her stomach, instead trying to catch Hazel's eye but with no luck. The other girl looked pointedly down, cutting her sausage with such ferociousness, Amina was half afraid the plate would crack in two. She had done the same thing yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. Did Hazel blame her for what happened? She had every right to- it was her fault afterall, but she just wished they could talk, share the grief. She was so unlike the kind, quietly confident girl she had met when the pair first arrived back at Deepdean, boasting of stories from the Rue. Loosing a best friend really knocked it out of you, clearly.   
Hazel was the only part of Daisy that was left. Well, her and... Amina touched her lips gently, her hand shaking as she did so. 

  
She was so close, Amina could feel her hot breath on her cheek, see the excitement shining in her eyes, the spots of colour on her cheeks growing darker every second. And then Amina had kissed her, right there in the middle of the boat, in the middle of an investigation and Daisy, Daisy had kissed back. 

  
But then, the image changed. It was still Daisy, but her face washed out, lips unnaturally blue, hair in straggly strands, decorated with twigs and her eyes. Blank, empty, staring.   
It wasn't supposed to end like this They were _supposed_ to have years, staring at the stars, wishing for a time when what they had could be seen as normal. They were supposed to buy a house (next door to Hazel at Daisy's insistence), go to Paris, have a life. Instead, they didn't even get _days_. 

Daisy was gone and it was all her fault. 


	3. She's Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So urmmm I tried writing this with more of a plot but I couldn't do that so I went back to rambly feeling things instead. I should really work on the whole plot thing... Anyways this is Kitty and I'll probably do Beanie next.

She was okay. She had to be. She was just out adventuring with Hazel, off stopping yet another murderer. Except Hazel was there, curled up in bed, passed out from exhaustion. But that didn't mean Daisy wasn't okay though, right? She might be out on the roof. Kitty had seen her slip out a few times last term (she didn't know why, but she suspected it had something to do with a certain someone in the other dorm- Kitty wasn't blind, she had eyes.) Except, judging by the gentle pitter- patter coming through the open window, it was pouring with rain. But that didn't mean... Except it did. Kitty just didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be true. How was she supposed to live without hearing Daisy's laugh, without her (sometimes rather annoying) I'm- the- leader attitude, without the slight feeling of jealousy she always got for no apparent reason other than that Daisy Wells was being Daisy Wells. Daisy had to be okay. She had to be okay so Kitty could be okay.

Grasping the bedsheet tightly in her hands, Kitty took a deep, shuddering breath. And another. And another. How could she be okay when the only time she could sleep was in Daisy's bed? She hated it, waking up before everyone else to sneak back to her own bed, watching Hazel's face light up in the few mornings she was around as she saw Daisy's unmade bed, only to fall seconds later as reality came crashing back down. How could she be okay, when everyday was filled with forced smiles and faked laughter, the job of making sure her dorm appeared at least half decent (and at all) at breakfast and the unbearable emptiness she felt inside. Hazel, despite her distanced, isolated demeanor, had Alexander, Lavinia had George, Beanie was writing to her mother constantly (granted, she was ill but still!) and Kitty was left with no one.  
She was okay because she had to be. Because everything would fall apart otherwise. She was okay because Daisy was FINE. The rumours were just that, rumours. They weren't true. Kitty refused point blank to believe that they were true. The newspapers got it wrong, there was no accident in Egypt. The Honourable Daisy Wells wasn't drowned, she was fine, perfectly okay. The funeral was a joke, a nightmare, anything but real. It was a set up, it had to be, and Hazel was in on it too. Daisy Wells was okay.

Except, Hazel Wong, despite her time at the Rue was not that good of an actress. Kitty doubted anyone could act that well, with the bent head and dead eyes, the spitting image of what Kitty herself was feeling inside. The pain, the hurt, the confusion was swallowing her inside out, swallowing all of them, until they were nothing more than empty shells, dead and hollow inside.

Maybe she wasn't okay. She just didn't want to admit it.


	4. I'm trying, but it's strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beanie goes to visit Hazel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually added some sort of plot to this!!! Which made it sooo much longer than the others!! I think the formatting kinda died too oops. 
> 
> I gotta say though, I had a lot of fun with this chapter, I've always loved Beanie and Hazel's friendship.
> 
> Edit: I've tried like 6 times to get the paragraphs but it just won't?? Idk today's one of them days, I'm sorry, it's probably gonna be hard to read cuz it's all one paragraph 😣

Chewing gently on her pencil, nose wrinkled in frustration, Beanie stared at the maths problem in front of her. It seemed even harder than usual, the numbers blurring in to one, perhaps having something to do with the two empty desks in front of her. It was strange, not having the usual, but oddly comforting, distractions of Daisy and Hazel hissing at each other, ignoring whichever teacher was taking them that lesson, or Daisy leaning back in her chair, trying (and failing) to discretely pass notes back and forth to Amina. Beanie looked across at the girl next to her, her dark hair blocking her face from view. It had to be hard, all this coping- Beanie had a little experience in the matter due to her mother but at least she was still here. Amina had lost... well Beanie didn't quite know what she had lost, she wasn't sure if there was a word to describe the relationship Amina and Daisy had had. What was it Kitty had said. "Not strictly platonic"? Beanie wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but it was clear Amina was hurting. Beanie was trying, she really was, to make sure Amina and Hazel didn't waste away, but it was hard, especially when the latter barely seemed to be around. It was strange, even though Daisy and Hazel had been gone before, away in Hong Kong and then the Rue, this felt different. Everyone was so much quieter, the dorm silent when previously it had been bubbling with noise. It was certainly strange to not be the only one grieving, not having to be as brave because everyone else was hurting just the same. Kitty went around all bubbly and cheery as if it was just another regular day, but Beanie knew her best friend well enough to notice the lack of bounce in her step, the missing gleem in her eyes when she smiled. Kitty was trying, but Beanie could tell. Someone shook her shoulder gently, bringing Beanie out of her thoughts with a thud. "Buck up Beans, we can leave. If we're quick enough we might not have to queue for bunbreak," "I'll be right there," she heard herself saying. "I just need to- to go check something." Kitty looked slightly confused, but nodded turning to catch up with Lavinia as she stomped out of the room. Beanie sighed, gathering up her books, before following the retreating backs of her friends out of the door. "Hazel?" Beanie called out as she pushed open the airing cupboard door. She wasn't sure what had made her come her, she just had a feeling in her gut that this was were someone trying to hide away from the reality of life would go. It was strange, but it made sense. "Oh, Hazel!" She cried, spotting the girl who seemed to have made some sort of den for herself out of the linens. Gently, she squeezed herself in next to the girl, pulling her into a hug, stroking her hair as the tears fell, from both their eyes, soaking the clothes around them. "I'm trying," Hazel croaked out eventually, making Beanie jump. Her voice was hoarse, almost as if she'd been shouting but that couldn't be right. Never once, in all the time she had known her Hazel had never shouted. Except that one time. Although that didn't really count. Did it? "I'm _trying_ Beanie, I really am but it's just- it's so _strange_ without Daisy, you know? Like I keep turning around and expecting to see her come running, muttering some sort of apology but she isn't!" Hazel cried, her voice getting louder and more hysterical with each syllable. Beanie could do nothing but listen and nod here and there. "And in the morning, in the morning when I wake up and-" she swallowed, rubbing the tears from her eyes, "when I wake up and see the crumpled covers I can't _help_ but hope! I can't help it, Beanie! I know it's Kitty, I really do but it just _hurts_ , so, so much!" Hazel had now reached a point of complete devastation and flung herself at Beanie, her face contorted in pain as she sobbed into her shoulder. Beanie was shocked. She knew Hazel had been hurting, more than any of them really, but she had never in a million years imagined it would be this... Heartbreaking. "I know, Hazel. I know, I know." She found herself whispering, repeating the words as if to convince not only Hazel but herself as well. They were trying, but life, as strange as it had been, would never be the same without Daisy Wells.


	5. Close your eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertie's chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely didn't forget about this fic oops.  
> I had enough of dialogue, after writing a couple of chapters for my other fic so came back to this completely in the mood for angst. Although I had more planned for Bertie, and this could've been much longer but shhh. 
> 
> I also haven't proofread oops so enjoy.

Every time he closed his eyes, he went flying back to the funeral. Back to the chilled air, dew soaked grass, the deafening silence that enveloped the straggle of mourners. A man stood at his side, tall and silent, yet he couldn't turn to him. Couldn't show any sign of affection he may hold in fear of cold metal bands being strapped to his wrists, leading him to a life behind bars. Instead, he stood and stared, golden hair glinting in the morning sun. Watched as they lowered the empty coffin down. Winced as the dirt poured on top, the dull rhythmic thud beating through to his core. His face remained emotionless as the people droned on and on- he'd done this type of thing before.  
Her best friend stood a little away, huddled into a coat, leaning against a boy with tears on his cheeks. The man had once been close to calling these two, and the boy with them, (who resembled the man next to him remarkably) family. Now the term held no meaning to him. 

He didn't break until he was alone. Back in his cold, university room, too much in pain to light a fire. Here, he took great, gasping breaths, trying to get the air to reach his lungs. The pain was suffocating him, bringing him down, beating the floor with his bare hands. Over and over. 

His friend found him the next morning, lying flat on the floor, red fists and voice hoarse. He promised he'd never do it again. That he was okay, really, just fine. It didn't hurt, not really. Except it did. 

Next he turned to the bottle, drowning his sorrows like the waters had drowned her. Days blurred into nights and still he sat, bottle in one hand, glass in the other, rocking back and forth to the pounding in his head. He received letters, and when they remained unopened, visitors. Still, he sat, listening to the hum of people as they came and went, murmuring out replies, but his eyes remained dead, his jovial spirit gone. 

He felt angry, wanted to scream it to the world, let the people know how hurt he was, how unfair all this was. This type of thing wasn't supposed to happen. Yet he didn't. Didn't have the energy. Instead, he sat, he drank, he stared. 

Everytime he closed his eyes, he could hear her. Heard her laughs, her sarcastic quips, the quiet whispers through the wall. He heard the arguments, the crying, the screams. All echoing in his head, creating one great big swirly mess, sending him spiralling into a mix of hazed wonder, even just for a second. The conversation the pair had shared before she left for Egypt, left him, replayed before his eyes, a painful reminder as he watched her. The excitement almost bubbling out of her like a volcano. The warm, tight embrace, the whispered "goodbye" in his ear, it all seemed so real. 

And then he opened his eyes and it was all over. 

Because she was gone, and she was never coming back.


	6. Wasn't Supposed To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavinia is sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! 
> 
> I started writing this chapter absolutely AGES ago, and then had exams to revise for. And then I forgot it existed. And then I had MORE exams. AND THEN I got writer's block.  
> I need to do my history coursework but this was more enjoyable. 
> 
> It's from Lavinia's perspective and includes a couple of nods to the discord! 
> 
> Anyways I hope you like it

It was a well known fact that Lavinia Temple walked around, shrouded in a cloud of anger which was probably why no one blinked when they stomped into the dining hall and threw the latest newspaper on the table, sending the butter knife flying. They did, however, blink when they saw the headline, first Kitty and then Beanie double-taking as the words were read and then absorbed. 

"DISASTER FOR FALLINGFORD STRIKES AGAIN."

Both girls looked at Lavinia, mouths open, toast forgotten as the latter stared unblinkingly at the letters, eyes blurred and out of focus. Before either could say anything, Lavinia stormed back out of the room again, snarling at students and teachers alike as they trickled through the doorway. Snatching up the paper, Kitty and Beanie followed, a mix of curiousity and deep sinking dread in their guts.   
"Read it." Lavinia muttered as the pair caught up with them, back in their dorm. An uncharacteristic crack was evident in their voice, and Kitty skimmed the article in alarm, Beanie peering over her shoulder. Lavinia watched as Kitty, and then Beanie, got to the main body, the main message of the article, watching as Kitty's eyes grew wide, her breath hitching in her throat, watching as Beanie chewed on her lip, processing, as tears filled up her eyes. 

"This has got to be some sort of horrific joke." Kitty was the first to speak, her voice shaking as Beanie stood next to her, chewing on her plait. 

Lavinia shook their head,  
"I thought so too, at first. Well actually, I thought somehow the press had found out... Found out about Daisy and Amina..."   
Their voice trailed off as the three stood, in a sort of hap-hazard circle. Not one of them were really supposed to know about the whole "un-offical but painfully obvious" thing that was Daisy and Amina. Except, of course as the title suggested, it was blindsidingly obvious. Except, for some reason, to Hazel. Lavinia wasn't entirely sure why that was- Hazel, according to Daisy, was the second best detective in the world. 

Watching as Beanie buried her head in Kitty's hair (another two who were painfully obvious yet oblivious), Lavinia sat on the edge of their bed, thumb rubbing over the words that informed the whole world of Daisy Wells' death. 

You weren't supposed to read that in a newspaper. You weren't supposed to sit down, ready to eat a mountain of hot buttered toast and jam, only to see the headlines and feel like the whole world had come crashing down. You weren't supposed to die at fifteen, only just finished growing and just starting to get a grasp on life. 

And journalists and newspapers and every other person working in that blasted printing office weren't supposed to make a story, make money, by broadcasting said friend's death. 

That was quite simply not how life was supposed to work. 

Lavinia was not entirely sure how life was supposed to work, granted, but they were 99.9%, and willing to eat their hat, sure it wasn't supposed to end with the incredibly annoying, incredibly loyal Daisy Wells ending up as a statistic. 

Tomorrow, or perhaps even today, it would be announced in assembly that the fifth form were down a member. That tragedy had struck, once again, at Deepdean. And the whole school would turn to look at them, at Lavinia, Kitty and Beanie at one end of the row, and Clementine, Sophie and the twins at the other, separated by three empty chairs. Perhaps they wouldn't even notice anything was different- the chairs had been empty for at least a week, and Daisy and Hazel's had spent over half the year before that vacant. 

Lavinia watched in their minds eye as the bomb was dropped, heard the three Mary's agonising scream, before the whole world dropped to black, as if that golden head of hair was the reason it was light in the first place. 

Daisy was supposed to have gone down in history as the greatest detective ever. That's what she'd always said wasn't it? Hazel on one side and, unless Lavinia was very much mistaken, Amina on the other. Instead, Daisy was going to join that girl who drowned, what was her name, Bessie Haigen and Verity and Miss Bell and all the other poor souls rumoured to haunt the school. And in ten, maybe even five years time, Kitty and Beanie and theirself would all be at Hazel's house for Christmas, maybe even Amina too, and Hazel would be married to that Alexander she was always banging on about, and the conversation would turn to Deepdean. 

_"Do you think she's still there?" Beanie would mention her first. Lavinia knows who she is talking about, they all do, but all the same Kitty asks;_  
_"Who Beans?"_  
_"Daisy of course."_  
_Lavinia could see the pain in Hazel's eyes, watch as Alexander held out a comforting hand. Beanie would cover her mouth in her hand as the silence stretched out, wishing she hadn't spoken._  
_"No." Hazel would say eventually, shattering the silence into tiny sharp shards. Her daughter, Daisy, (Lavinia smiled sadly at that), would let out a cry from her crib and Hazel would pick the six- month old up, already looking so much like her namesake, and rock her gently before continuing._  
_"Remember what Daisy said? Ghosts don't exist. There is no supernatural."_  
_And then she'd sigh, and Alexander would carve the roast chicken, and the conversation would move away from Deepdean and onto Kitty and Beanie's new pet. But the laughs would lose some of their mirth, because no amount of healing can really repair the tormented heart of a person who's entire future disappeared in the drop of a hat._

  
"Lavinia? Lavinia?"   
Lavinia's eyes focused on Beanie's tear stained face, Kitty stood just behind her.   
"We're wanted. Down at school. I think- I think they're going to tell us."   
Lavinia stood up, their legs shaking, and nodded. 

Anger, they felt daily. Anger was an emotion Lavinia was often proud of owning. This though, was different. This was not something they wanted in their heart. 

Heroines (or even Daisy) weren't supposed to die.   



	7. The day the stars went out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy is dead. As we know from previous chapters. But Daisy knows it too. 
> 
> Written in first person present tense because sometimes I just have to write like that eventhough I hate it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be.... Alexander?? I think.   
> But then I thought "hey let's do Daisy because it's 11:30pm and I can"   
> So here is Daisy. And a completed fic for once.

Being in a moment and watching a moment from outside are two very different experiences. Watching a life be lost, like back at Deepdean on that blasted day, and having your life taken away from you, even if it is, arguably, by accident are not alike at all. I did not get a thrill of joy as my life flashed before my eyes like I do whenever a new case arises. I guess it's quite ironic really; the girl who spends her life putting murderers behind bars, ends up a case herself. If Hazel were here, she would scowl and frown and complain I am utterly morbid. 

It's quite strange really, how manipulative time is. It feels as though it's been hours, months even years since I took my last breath, but in reality it can't have been more than a few minutes. It's also strange how time can both speed up and slow down, right at the same time. Perhaps if I had acted with ration for once in my life, time wouldn't have done that. I would still be stood next to Hazel, sneaking glances at Amina and trying to ignore the fact Alexander is doing the exact same with Hazel and George is laughing at us. Of course, if I hadn't acted, it could very well be May in my place. Stuck not quite sure where, as your soul wanders around the people around you, cold and invisible. 

I'm stood next to Amina who looks the most scared I've ever seen her, and the pair of us watch as George dives into the murky waters again and again. Hazel's shaking, and I desperately want to tell her to stop being such a chump, but I cannot because my body is lost and it's not coming back. I say her name, and for a split second I think it's worked because she turns and looks right at me. Or rather straight through me. And then she's crying. Properly this time. I hate seeing Hazel so upset.

There's a splash as George goes down yet again, and suddenly I'm hurtling back, watching myself as I run across to Heppy and May. I take May's place, purely by accident and then together we fall. 

_My eyes meet Hazel's, and then Amina's and it really seemed as if time stopped. But time cannot stop, nor speed up- it is scientifically impossible- and I fell. Whether I scream or not, I can't remember, but I gasp for breath as I plunge into the water, a fleeting recollection of crocodiles resurfacing in my mind._

_I struggle for breath as lights pop in front of my eyes, lighting up the darkening surroundings with little stars. My thoughts are of Amina, of stargazing nights on the roof of Deepdean and I kick out, not willing this to be the end. Bertie is shouting in my head, yelling at me to use my head and swim like he taught me and I'm trying, but the current has me and Heppy is surprisingly strong. She reminds me of Enid in a way and the thought is terrifying._

_And then the stars go out. They disappear, and I'm sinking, my head hitting against something as I go. Everything feels numb and I can't move._

And then I'm back on the deck, my hair matted, deep gashes on my arms and torso from the crocodile encounter. George has stopped diving down, but he's still empty handed. The only noise on the deck is the cries, the screams, the wails of my friends. 

My friends who weren't even the last thing on my mind as the lights went out, and I ceased to exist any longer. I just died, and my last thought wasn't Amina and the way I felt when she kissed me, nor was it Hazel and how, although she is an utter chump sometimes, she is still my best friend. It wasn't even on Alexander and how, even though he still insists on wearing clothes that don't fit, he isn't half that bad. I just died and my last thought was comparing two murderers. 

Perhaps of I had thought of something else, it wouldn't hurt as much as it does. 


End file.
